Month seven - 235

111. One hundred eleven pounds. My sister-in-law made me do a booty dance in celebration.

My friend asked me last week how many more pounds I wanted to lose. I told her, "50," the usual number. That has been burned into my brain ever since Benjy came to town (when I lost 100 pounds). But my goal (for the moment) is to get below 199. I would be grateful to lose more than that, but I would be pleased to find 198 or lower. Technically, I only need to lose 36 pounds to reach my current goal. WOW. It is bizarre how far I have come. (lol, made me think of those old cigarette ads, "You've come a long way, Baby!" What cigarettes were being advertised?)

Things I have noticed:
I AM COLD! My insulation is gone. It can be 72 degrees in the house and I am FREEZING! I put on a sweater and cover myself with a blanket and I am still cold. This chick used to sweat just being in a 72 degree house, and now it is COLD.

I can pick up something from the floorboard of the car without locking the seatbelt. When I was huge, leaning down would cause the seatbelt to lock and I would have to unfasten it and re-secure it. Now, it isn't a problem. HA!

I can cross my legs at my knees. I used to have to rest my ankle on my knee--that was "crossing my legs." I can sit criss-cross applesauce (Indian-style to you non preschool knowing peoples). Last summer, I could NOT put my right knee down--it was sticking up. Now I sit "normal."

My heels don't hurt anymore from plantar fasciitis. I can't remember the last time my heels hurt!

Surgery has fixed my stomach, but not my brain. When we were in San Francisco last month, I wanted to keep eating my crab risotto, but I physically could not. It was impossible. But my brain was saying, "MANGIA!" I have noticed that feeling several times. The feeling or thought that I wanted more and CANNOT even swallow a morsel. I fear I will be one of those people who, "had the surgery and then gained all the weight back." UGH! I cannot live like that again.

I was watching "Big Medicine" and was hit with that reality. A woman had the surgery two years ago and is now gaining weight. Obviously she is not eating the right things. She had a barium X-ray to see if her pouch had stretched, thinking another operation. No, her pouch was fine. She just eats the wrong things. She told her therapist, "If I can stomach it, I will eat it." And that is pretty much how I have been. I will try anything and if it doesn't make me dump, I will continue eating it--healthy or not. That seems to be working for now, but I am positive it is going to bite me in the ass later. So, I have been trying to have a "Core" mindset. I did the Weight Watchers CORE plan in 2005. I lost 30 pounds, easily. And besides, bread is a waste of space. And how hard can it be? Lean meats, fruits and vegetables? DUH! lol

Seriously, if I want to be a success, I have to get my shit together and eat RIGHT.

I bought a pair of size 20 jeans at Wal-Mart last week. They are loose on me. I am afraid of trying on 18's just yet. I hate the feeling of defeat when trying to pull on a super tight size. I like the feeling of victory when something fits or is too big. OOH! I also found some 2X (18/20) shirts for $3 each at Wal-Mart. Cha-ching!

My arms are still big. That sucks. And I still have a gut. My thighs are starting to flap and slap. No shorts in public for this hottie. lol The thought of a swimsuit terrifies me. Not because I still have weight to lose, because I am flappy. If I were a super-villian, I would be Gelatin Girl.