month eight - 230

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I first saw you
And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you

We (Hubby and I) applied for a condo in a prestigious part of town. HUGE square footage and really cheep rent. Apparently, we applied the same time as some old guy and he got the place. Okay, I am a tiny bit hurt that they did not accept us on the account of two young kids (illegal discrimination, but whatever!). However, I didn't appreciate the way their agent strung me along all week, making me think we had a chance. You know, she still hasn't called me back. UNprofessional!

Last night I realized my old habits were manifesting. I wanted to eat. Didn't matter if I was hungry, I tried to rationalize that I was eating healthy (but I wasn't) and that the surgery would prevent me from doing anything foolish. Another misconception. The only thing I didn't do is eat a pint of Haagen Dazs. That was usually my "make the bad feelings go away" medicine. But it didn't stop me from eating a fish taco. Or drink some milkshake. Or root beer. Or eat girl scout cookies. Damn those Girl Scouts. Last weekend I ate almost an entire box of various cookies. That is all I had to eat all day-- cookies and milk. But I digress.

Today, I am back on track. I am glad I was cognizant of my sabotage. I don't think I would have noticed the dangerous dependence on dessert prior to WLS and would have plowed my way thought the frozen dairy section of my local grocery store.

I tried on those size 18 jeans from WalMart again. They are still tight through the thighs, but I can wear them. I tried on a pair of JMS size 18 jeans and they fit fine! What the hell? Stupid WalMart. I guess the manufacturer is probably tailoring their product for those fatties that gain in the upper part and not the butt, gut and thighs. Those apple shaped people. I am a pear shape. A big ol' Bosch pear. BIG stomach, BIIIIG butt and big thighs. BIG BIG BIG. Notwithstanding, I still have my boobs this time. Granted, they are saggy, floppy empty wallets, but I can still fill a C-cup.

Anybody watch Big Medicine? I used to get a lot of insight on how to cope with a tiny tummy and bad eating habits and strategies. Now the stories bore me. I could really care less that they had a personal trauma/drama and now are HUGE. I got my own drama! They no longer talk about coping, it is about how they got there (Fatsville). Boo hoo. sob sob. whaa. Am I a heartless bitch or what? And the weight loss results are discouraging. One woman lost 90 pounds in 12 weeks. Another lost 100 in six weeks. Makes me wonder what I am doing wrong to lose 116 pounds in six months. But you know what? After losing 100 pounds, they still look FAT. I LOOK HOT! lol

I have people doing double takes and exclaiming how good I look. It boosts my morale and I get all fuzzy and warm and self conscience! All at the same time. And being the brutally honest person that I am, I blurt out that I had the surgery instead of saying I am eating right and exercising. I have not received any bad responses. At first it is met with shock and then they have a story of their own to tell. "I know someone and she blah blah blah......" But they are intrigued and find the whole dumping thing interesting.

P.S. I am off blood pressure meds. woo hoo!