MMMM Hmmm!

I was purging in fat shows that I TiVo'ed over the weekend.....

On Big Medicine there was a cute girl named Charlisa. I just loved her attitude and the self-confidence the WLS gave her. I also liked one of her comments.... "(When someone says), 'Oh, it's wonderful being fat. There's nothing wrong.'" Charlisa gets a "shut up, Asshole" look on her face. "That is a cover-up. There is a lot wrong with it. And it's not fun, it's not comfortable, it's not cute. None of the above."

On another program, I learned the human body has approx. 40 billion fat cells. When the body gets obese, the fat cells multiply to 100 billion. AND THEY NEVER GO AWAY. So, you get these crazy people like me who eat, diet, eat, diet, diet, eat, eat, eat, diet, eat, diet, pregnant, eat, diet, pregnant, eat, eat, and diet they make these fat cells that want to be noticed and want to be filled and happy and make more friends, because the more the merrier.....Right?

I have noticed that once I hit a particular weight, no matter what I do to try and lose, my body wants that fat back. And I don't mind helping it out, apparently. I was at my heaviest when I was pregnant with my daughter (six years ago). I am back at that weight and then some!

Then I had job troubles. I tend to put everything on the back burner and feel sorry for myself. I quit doing Weight Watchers CORE program and comforted myself with food.

Now I am pending permission for this surgery and everything is on the back burner again and I find solace in food. Oh the IRONY

It has nothing to do with willpower. It is all about getting the fix, flipping the switch, getting the high and the comfort and the love from food. Food doesn't talk back, it doesn't hurt your feelings, it brings a smile to your face and sometimes brings an almost orgasmic feeling. It doesn't lie. It is pretty and tastes good. It feels wonderful to chew (if you actually take the time). It feels good gliding down your gullet into your overstretched stomach. It doesn't matter if it is sweet or savory, crisp or velvety, hot or cold.....it feels good. It is my best friend. It is always there in my time of need.

I have quit smoking, quit drinking coffee and quit drinking soda. But I have not quit eating. Kinda hard when I have to eat to survive. I manage to eat more than I need to because it feels good and I WANT to be full.

When I first quit smoking, I had to go visit my in-laws. Being around my MIL is bad enough. But the evils wives of my husband's brothers (I still refuse to acknowledge them as sister-in-laws) is more stress than I care to handle. And you wanna know what I was craving most, to alleviate my pain? Not a cigarette....CHOCOLATE. I wanted a pound of See's Candy to ease my uneasiness. Hell, a Hershey bar would have done the trick. I ended up buying a bag of M&M's.

I would love to be put in rehab and have someone cook the food I am supposed to eat, tell me when to eat, and when to exercise. I could do that! But I don't think they have rehab for fat people. Rehab is for sick people with addictions for drugs, alcohol, nicotine, etc.

HEY! I'm addicted to Smack! SUGAR SMACKS!