I am such a hypocrite.
My closest friend said she has admired me because I don't let my weight get in the way. Because I will put on a swimsuit. I have been in her pool, hotel pools and the beach with my son's 2ND grade teacher. But I will not put on a nice dress and go to my stupid reunion.
In my messed up mind, I feel "safe" because I am doing it for my children. No disrespect to my mom, but she NEVER went swimming with me. My dad taught me how to swim. My dad took me to the river and taught me to water ski. My mom rarely went on those river trips and when she took me swimming, she sat fully clothed in the shade while I splashed in the nice cool water. So I will put on a swimsuit, cover myself with a skirt or cover up and go to the water. I will shed my "shield" and hurry to the water where I can hide in it's murky camouflage.
I have even dressed up for weddings and communions. But that is for family. And I am wearing a non revealing dress. I know I cannot hide my mammoth size, but I can soften the edges.
But I am terrified to go to the reunion. On one of the Reunion Website Discussion Boards, one of the classmates said, "Don't let your appearance prevent you from coming." HA!
I didn't have a lot of close friends in high school. I have many acquaintances, and superficial friends, but not close friends. Nobody. So there is no reason for me to be there. The few people I wanted to see again aren't going. I don't have to do it for my kids. I don't have to do it for family. I don't have to do it for friends. So why go and feel like the asshole I did 20 years ago?
1 comment:
I bounced around so many schools and then graduated early from a continuation high school. I've never had a high school reunion because of all that and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in life. Even if I did have a school reunion I could go to, I was more like you, not really having a close crowd I hung with.
So give yourself permission to skip it without blaming your weight. I guess the question is whether you would even go if you were a skinny little bitch? It doesn't really sound like there's anyone you want to see...
Post a Comment